


Just Peter.

by 56leon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Gen, I just am Not Okay, Peter just wants a dad, Peter-centric with all other characters mentioned, Tony just........is Tony, archive warnings apply but they're spoilers so I don't use them oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-02 23:26:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14555868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/56leon/pseuds/56leon
Summary: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR INIFINITY WAR PART 1."Congrats, kid, you're an Avenger."A character study of Peter Parker in two specific scenes- when his eyes light up, and when they go out.





	Just Peter.

**Author's Note:**

> hi it's 3 AM and I got home from IW like two hours ago and I'm still not okay so I wrote this drabble/character study.
> 
> (It's short and deserves more of my attention but honestly I'm about to pass out and I wanted it out there before I started crying again.)

"Congrats, kid," Tony tells him, and he feels closer to flying than any web could ever sling him. "you're an Avenger."

He doesn't know _exactly_ why the words mean so much to him, but he has a pretty good idea, and his eyes shine as if he's been awarded a Nobel Peace Prize; in his defense, being an Avenger is probably the only honor higher than that, and it's the only thing that's separated him from the others.

In his mind, at least.

He's still just Peter, of course, but he's not Just Peter, not to Mr. Stark, the one person whose approval he vies for the most. Sure, it's a temporary title, most likely said as a sarcastic quip before facing their imminent doos (singular, collective, because if one of them goes down, they all do), but it still lights his heart like praise from a.....person of influence. Somebody he looks up to. A guardian, in a way.

Not that he'll ever admit it, of course. He's a fanboy, not an adopted child, and Mr. Stark keeps him at arm's length......always. Always. He's nothing more than an intern, and anything more reminds Peter that his ego is inflated- that despite his protests, a respectable distance is respectable for a reason. Even if he's desperate, he's still just a kid, and Mr. Stark has far more priorities than a kid from Queens who shoots webs from his wrist.

Still, he's an Avenger now, and as they hurtle through outer space, towards what will either be their deaths or their salvation, he  _feels_ like an Avenger, like one of the gang, off on a mission with the rest of the team instead of just tagging along like the kid everyone has to protect. It's a good feeling, a feeling he doesn't want to let go of. Acceptance and belonging and praise all rolled into one word.  _Avenger._ Protectors of Earth, heroes of the people. The ones who put their lives on the line, because  _they_ have the strength to win, or at least try when nobody else can. Because  _they'_ _re_ the  _Avengers_.

He doesn't know what's more sad: the fact that just that word can make him feel as light as a feather, or that he may die before he can tell anyone else.

(He tries not to think about either too much.)

 

* * *

 

 _"Congrats, kid,_ " Tony's words echo in the small part of him that still lives, the part that isn't being turned to ash and instead finds itself thinking far too much than it should be for something that's dying.  _"You're an Avenger."_

He realizes, then, that he doesn't want to be one. He's not an Avenger, he's just a scared kid who's in over his head and probably causes more problems than he can fix. He's not an Avenger, he's a teen who cuts class because fighting aliens is more fun, and thinks that being an arachnid - not even an  _insect_ , but an  _arachnid_ - is some sort of 'superpower' compared to the adults who risk their lives every day.

He's not an Avenger, he's Just Peter, Just Peter who's not going to die as an Avenger but as Just Peter and there's nothing he can do because his arm's already gone and he's  _still_ clinging to the only person he can, wanting to be acknowledged one last time before his short, miserable Just Peter life comes to a grinding halt without any sense of accomplishment.

 _"I....don't want to go."_ It's all he can say, because it's the only thing ringing true in his mind. He's not brave enough for the last words that others may give, no valiant efforts or rejections of death. He can't be like Doctor Strange and say something cryptic yet foreboding, or like Star Lord and say something witty to be remembered by. No, he can only be like Just Peter and pitifully beg for an existence that Mr. Stark can't even give him, can only apologize for failing to give.

He doesn't want to go. He doesn't want to die.

(He does anyways.)


End file.
